Well, you do. You probably will in that you-will-always-need-your-momma kind of way, but as you grow older, I'm continually discovering all of the things I don't have to do for you. Every year the list grows. It doesn't surprise me much anymore. What has caught me off guard this year is that I'm growing to be okay with it.There was a particularly crippling set of feels when you first learned to walk and would shimmy your hand out of my grasp to waddle down your own path of destruction. The sting lessened only slightly when you learned to use the toilet on your own, and when I sent you off to daycare and preschool, to tackle the world without me holding your hand, I held my head high and tried hard to swallow the lump of fear and uncertainty swelling in my throat.
I had grown so used to your dependent state that relinquishing control was a strange and uncomfortable feeling. The only knowledge you were armed with against the big bad world was what I had taught you, and the feeling of doubt persisted with the thought: did I do good enough?
But today, its starting to get easier. And I'm pretty sure that has to do with how much I believe in myself as a parent. Maybe I'll forget some things, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be wrong once in a while, but I truly believe in what we have going on here, kiddo. And as you begin to walk ahead of me in life, no longer needing my hand, I'll be a few steps behind, practicing getting used to that feeling. And practicing believing in me.
<3
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